Texas Governor Greg Abbott: The Enabler

Texas Governor Greg Abbott is an enabler of mass shooters. Of course, that is exactly what we would expect the governor of the regressive cowboy state to be, a mouthpiece for the NRA who labels anyone who dares suggest even the most flaccid gun control measure a threat to freedom. Please note: In Texas, as in a lot of other states in this fractured nation, "freedom" means the freedom to assemble a military grade arsenal and/or walk around pretending that you're a sheriff. 

In the old westerns, only an idiot or a woman would be seen in a saloon without a gun. The booze flowed freely as tough guys played poker and smoked cigarettes. What could possibly go wrong? Fist fights turned into gun fights. "I don't want any trouble here tonight," the bartender would say, usually a scene or two before all his whiskey glasses were shot up and his brains were blown out.  

To Greg Abbott the entire world is a saloon, which is exactly why he defeated his Democratic opponent, Wendy Davis, by over 20 percentage points in the most recent Texas gubernatorial election. The majority of Texas voters think they live in a saloon and, in fact, they kind of do. Over 3,500 gun-related deaths take place in Texas every year. How's that for freedom? Over a third of Texans, about 10 million people, own guns. The average gun owner in America owns eight guns, which means there are likely 80 millions guns circulating in Texas. I'll ask again: What can go wrong? 

Who wouldn't wanted to be armed in Texas? Greg Abbott has proclaimed, "I will sign any gun rights bill that reaches my desk." In his recent speech to the NRA, he boasted about the bill he signed allowing guns to be carried in holsters, ya know, just like a real cowboy!  He waxed poetic about the bill he signed allowing concealed firearms to be carried on colleges campuses. He called attention to his tireless work to assist other states in expanding their gun rights. 

It makes perfect sense then that Greg Abbott is leading a statewide discussion about protecting Texas children from mass shootings. Who better to lead such an important conversation than a hack with an "A" rating from the NRA, who once tweeted a photo of himself at a shooting range in celebration of his signing a law that lowered the state's license-to-carry fee?

Greg Abbott, who has built his entire political persona as a gun rights whore, now says he wants to "step up" to stop school shootings. He wants to hear from students, teachers, concerned citizens, and "those who hold the second amendment in high esteem," by which he means Texans who blame mass shootings on video games, mental illness, removing God from the public square, having too many doors in schools (the harebrained theory of his Lieutenant Governor, Dan Patrick), or anything else, as long as there is absolutely no mention of gun control. 

In America, it always comes back to the second amendment. It is that, more than anything else, that now makes us exceptional among modern nations in the ugliest and most horrifying of ways. More specifically, it is the ultra-conservative interpretation of the second amendment as decided by the Supreme Court in the Heller case that has led us to this current state of terror. America's sick gun culture now has federal law on its side. 

Greg Abbott's meaningless response to the mass shooting was to declare a statewide moment of silence. While his policies continue to enable mass shooters, he never apologies or plays defense. In his shallow mind, Greg Abbott is the one under assault, not traumatized teenagers. It is understandable then that his top priority is to protect himself from the liberals who want to take his precious guns away, something that could happen only in his paranoid daydreams. 

Reality check: No one is coming for Greg Abbott's guns, and if anyone actually did, he would just start shooting at them. 

Reflecting on Mass Murder and the “Most Extraordinary Hats” at the Royal Wedding

Less than 24 hours after another mass murder at an American high school that left ten dead, the headline at CNN.com proclaimed, “Here comes the bride.” I can watch videos of the Beckhams, the Clooneys, and even Oprah arriving at the festivities, not to mention a live feed of Meghan Markle herself (wow!) on the way to the chapel. Finally, there is some good news to celebrate, even if it isn’t happening here.

What America needs is a royal family of its own to serve up some high quality regal distractions. But alas, we’re stuck with more news of mass murder beyond our capacity to synthesize. And when the story disappears from the news cycle, it’s back to non-stop Trump.

Two thirds of Americans have gone numb, are in total denial, not paying attention, still suffering from presidential election PTSD, or addicted to opioids. The remaining third have somehow come to the conclusion that the country is “on the right track.” 

By the way, since I started writing this, the CNN headline has changed to, ”The Big Moment.” It is indeed! Two people most of us either have never heard of until a few days ago, or just don’t care about, are exchanging wedding vows. Also, CNN has just posted footage of Meghan “walking herself down the aisle.” Note to CNN: She’s not “walking herself,” she's just walking.” And while I have not seen it yet, I’ll bet that she looks smashing!  

A much smaller CNN headline reads “Muqtada al-Sadr coalition wins Iraq election.” Is that a good thing? Sorry, I’m not up on this story. I don’t know about anything happening in the world that isn’t related to Trump, except of course that Meghan and what’s-his-name will now be known as the Duke and Duchess of Sussex. Pretty damn impressive! By the way, in case you didn’t know or forgot, Muqtada al-Sadr is an anti-American populist, so no, the victory of his political coalition is not a good thing, though I will admit that if I lived in Iraq, I might be an anti-American populist myself. A lot of us would. 

Hey, CNN now reports that the happy couple was just married! Yippie! I know that Trump wasn’t invited, though I wonder if Robert Mueller was. He's so busy with his investigation,  he probably couldn’t have made it anyway. In any case, I am certainly grateful that CNN is not bothering me with cliched obituaries of the murdered students and encouraging me instead to focus my attention on the "newly revealed details of the wedding venue, cake and reception." 

Oh, and here’s another really compelling and important headline that is breaking just now on CNN: “The most extraordinary hats at the royal wedding.” 

As I write this, the morning following the school shooting at Santa Fe High School, the headline story at the websites for Fox News, MSNBC, NPR, Slate, Google News, Yahoo News, the Huffington Post and USA Today all joyously shout about the exceedingly exquisite royal wedding. Finally, we have found a solution, not to gun violence, but to those pesky feelings of upset and sorrow that typically follow a mass shooting. 

I would write more but I have to stop now to look at footage of the happy couple’s first kiss. 

We All Live In Deadwood Now

In the aftermath of horrific mass shooting after horrific mass shooting – elementary, high school or college students dead, church-goers dead, nightclub patrons dead, policemen dead – the same depressing news cycle plays out.

We are subjected to interviews with friends and family members of the victims and killer(s), harrowing eye-witness accounts of the mayhem, heartbreaking expressions of grief, canned statements from politicians, words of condolence from clergy, talk of justice, healing and resilience, condemnation of anyone who “politicizes” the issue, and, finally, the resurfacing of our bitter national gun-control debate that changes nothing and fills everyone who wants the violence to end with despair.

We are stuck in a nightmarish Groundhog’s Day scenario. Americans are dying on the street every day as gun sales skyrocket. The Congressional Research Service, whatever that is, estimates that there are 300 million guns in America. Those are the guns that can be accounted for. There are unquestionably many more guns than that in circulation. America has more guns now than people and the very word “gun” is part of the problem because it is a misnomer. A mere “gun”– think Wyatt Earp – doesn’t qualify as a slingshot in a country with a citizenry arming itself with assault rifles. And what exactly is an “assault rife”? We can’t even agree on that.

Who and what is responsible for this state of utter madness? There is certainly plenty of blame to go around: the NRA, Congress, the Supreme Court, the media, Hollywood, our primitive violent nature, and the Second Amendment itself, which like the Third Amendment (which forbids the government from housing soldiers in private homes) made good sense in 1791 and no sense in the 21st Century.

I am thinking of what President-elect Ronald Reagan said in 1980, with a stone-faced Cardinal Terrance Cook by his side, when he was asked about the assassination of John Lennon: “What can anyone say? It’s a great tragedy and it’s just other evidence of what we have to try and stop happening in this world.”

The reporter then asked, “Would you stop that with handgun legislation?”

Reagan answered: “I have never believed that. I believe in the kind of handgun legislation we have in California. If someone commits a crime and carries a gun when he’s doing it, it adds five to fifteen years to the prison sentence.”

It wasn’t long before Reagan himself was shot with a Röhm RG-14. Six shots were fired in 1.7 seconds. Had Reagan’s would-be assassin used an AR-15 or similar weapon, the current favorite of today’s terrorists and mass shooters, he would have been massacred beyond recognition. Instead, he survived and to his credit went on to support the Brady Handgun Violence Prevention Act and the Assault Weapons Ban, which has since expired leading us to where we find ourselves today. And where exactly is that?

We all live in Deadwood now, a kind of futuristic Deadwood in which seemingly everyone has a gun and a smart-phone to record gun violence. I’ll bet it’s just a matter of time before we can download a gun app for our smart-phones and start firing away. Let’s face it, in this environment what reasonable person wouldn’t want a gun? Bill Maher owns a gun. Michael Moore owns a gun. President Obama posed shooting a hunting rifle.

I myself have never held a real gun in my hand, though when I was a kid I did have a squirt gun, which I remember well. It had a nifty manual squeeze trigger and what I considered an ample 10-ounce fluid chamber. I loved shooting at the blouses of girls I had crushes on and making wet marks on them. But these days no self-respecting kid would be seen with such a harmless toy. Squirt guns have been replaced with “super soakers,” “double-drench blasters” and “water cannons” equipped with multi-quart chambers that can saturate a girl, and her teacher too, in mere seconds from 50+ feet away. Okay, I’ll admit, that does sound like fun. The thought of getting the girl of my dreams all wet is a real turn on.

So, I imagine the thrill of holding a loaded gun that can do real and lasting damage is a real turn on too, all the more so because we have fetishized guns, fetishized violence actually. Whether we kill or not, what an exhilarating power trip it is to have the power to kill in our hands.

Let’s not forget, of course, that guns don’t kill people. Also, forks don’t eat food, but they sure do make eating a lot easier. Imagine if there was an assault-fork which allowed the average-Joe to eat 18 seven-course dinners in 51 seconds. You think that might have an undesirable impact the national obesity rate?

The sobering reality is that we have travelled a very long way down a very dark road. Gun control laws won’t stop gun violence any more the speeding laws stop speeding. But speeding laws do reduce speed and keep us marginally safer. In this dangerous country with its sick gun culture, “marginally safer” is the best we can hope for.

When a Lying Lawyer Lies for a Pathologically Lying President

A lying lawyer, incredulous at his own lies. 

When a lying lawyer for a pathologically lying President, with a lying Press Secretary, spews lies, it can be very challenging for the lying lawyer to get his lies straight. 

For example, if the lies the lying lawyer spews are different from the lies the lying press secretary spews, it may cause concern, albeit briefly, that one of them may not be spewing lies. To avoid this, the lying lawyer must carefully coordinate his lies with the lying press secretary in order to develop consistency in lying. However, the task is considerably more daunting than that. 

In these days, it is hardly enough for a lying lawyer to merely coordinate his lies with a lying Press Secretary. A lying lawyer must make certain that he is spewing the lies that the pathologically lying President wants him to spew. Otherwise, the pathologically lying President will soon need to spew lies about the lies that his lying lawyer and lying press secretary spewed. This inevitably leads to the lying lawyer and lying press secretary spewing lies about the lies they spewed about the pathologically lying President’s lies. 

The most important thing to understand about a pathologically lying President is that everything he says of consequence is a lie. 

He spews lies about what he did or did not do, and when he did or did not do it. 

He spews lies about what he did or did not know, and when he did or did not know it. 

He spews lies about what he did or did not say, and when he did or did not say it. 

He spews lies about what others did, knew or said, and when they did, knew or said it. 

He spews lies about his friends, family, cabinet members, judges, members of congress, leaders of other nations, newspapers, websites, journalists, comedians and athletes.  

He spews lies about his wealth, his intelligence, his health, his affairs, his history as a sexual predator, his payment of hush money to a porn star, and his colluding with the Russians. 

He spews lies about his margin of victory, how many people showed up at his inauguration, and how much cable news he watches. 

He spews lies abut the lies he spewed. And then he spews lies about the lies he spewed about the lies he spewed.  

The pathologically lying President spews lies indiscriminately, casually and incessantly, about people of all races, nationalities, genders and sexual orientation.  

More than anything, the pathologically lying President spews lies to himself about himself, consciously and unconsciously. His life itself is such an infinitely gigantic lie that he has absolutely no grounded relationship to the truth.  

Occasionally, the pathologically lying President is correct about something. For example, he might say, “Today is Tuesday,” and it might actually be Tuesday.” However, that is a random occurrence of absolutely no consequence, because the pathologically lying President never intends to tell the truth because he can’t. At his core, the pathologically lying President is psychologically wired to lie.  

This brings me back to the aforementioned lying lawyer and lying press secretary: 

As proficient as they are in spewing lies, the lying lawyer and lying press secretary remain at best novice students studying at the feet of the Master. Despite their sincere efforts to acheive an utter lack of credibility and personal integrity, when compared to the pathologically lying President, the lying lawyer and lying press secretary sometimes come across as straight-talking truth-tellers. Expect them to both be fired soon. 

Michele Wolf Speaks Truth to Power and Expresses no Remorse

I am not sure how far back the tradition of the court jester performing before a King goes, but my guess is that the first comedian who ever “died” was probably executed by a monarch who didn’t think he was funny, or whose humor struck too close to the bone. The White House Correspondents Dinner has evolved (devolved?) into a modern-day version of that ancient ritual, with the modern comedian expected to be satirically sharp and outrageously irreverent without being offensive, or at least too offensive to, well, who exactly? The President? Those in power?  Liberals? Conservatives? The media itself?

Michele Wolf, formerly well-known on Comedy Central but now a national comedy star, did not show up at the White House Correspondents Dinner to make friends. She understands that the role of the satirist is not to make her audience feel comfortable. In fact, the great political stand-ups, from Dick Gregory to George Carlin to Bill Maher, have never been afraid to make their audiences squirm. That is because the truth frequently hurts and the best satire often reveals truth in disturbing ways. 

Michele Wolf on abortion:

Mike Pence is very anti-choice. He thinks abortion is murder, which, first of all, don’t knock it till you try it. And when you do try it, really knock it. You know, you gotta get that baby out of it. And yeah, sure, you can groan all you want, I know a lot of you are very anti-abortion, you know, unless it’s the one you got for your secret mistress. It’s fun how values can waiver. But good for you.

Good for who exactly? How about former GOP Congressman Tim Murphy, an outspoken anti-choice crusader who recently urged his mistress to have an abortion and was forced to resign in disgrace? Let the audience groan all it wants.  

Michele Wolf on Sarah Huckabee Sanders:

I actually really like Sarah. I think she’s very resourceful. Like she burns facts and then she uses that ash to create a perfect smoky eye. Like, maybe she’s born with it, maybe it’s lies. It’s probably lies. 

Note to that most uptight of all liberals, Mika Brzezinski, who whined on MSNBC that Wolf's cutting remark was a comment on Huckabee's looks. It wasn't. She was commenting on Huckabee's continual spewing of lies for a continually lying President. Not that there’s anything wrong with a comedian making fun of how someone looks, though Wolf saved those barbs for Mitch McConnell, who she claimed wasn’t in attendance because he’s “finally getting his neck circumcised,”and Chris Christie, of whom she said, “Republicans are easy to make fun of. You know, it’s like shooting fish in a Chris Christie.” Brzezinski, true to form, expressed not a word of outrage about either remark. Conservatives have no special claim to selective outrage.   

Wolf made jokes about Fox News and MSNBC, not to mention their two biggest personalities, Sean Hannity and Rachel Maddow. However, she saved her most pointed barbs for CNN: “You guys love breaking news, and you did it, you broke it! Good work!” 

Donald Trump, a man who has laughed in public once since running for President – at a crass one-liner comparing Hillary Clinton to a dog -- called Wolf’s performance “filthy.” At times it was, and that is exactly what a filthy President deserves. Though try at she might, Wolf could not possibly be as vulgar as Trump, who degrades the Presidency with his falsehoods,  flippancy, and ugly rhetoric whenever he opens his mouth. 

Michele Wolf was given the opportunity to speak truth to power and she rose to the occasion like a comedy champ. Fearless, outspoken and relentless, she let no one off the hook and offered no apologies, even as she was pilloried in the press and accused of being filled with hate for daring to do her job. 

Actually, it is Wolf who deserves an apology from Margaret Talev, the spineless  President of the White House Correspondents Association, who wrote: “Last night’s program was meant to offer a unifying message about out common commitment to a vigorous and free press while honoring civility, great reporting and scholarship winners. Unfortunately, the entertainer’s monologue was not in the spirit of that mission.”

Really? I'm sure that mandate came as news to Wolf, as it would come to any humorist, that her role as a standup was to offer “a unifying message.” If that’s what the White House Correspondents want, next year, instead of a standup, I suggest they book a pastor. 

Did every joke work? Of course not. Every joke never works. But far more often than not, Wolf's shots either hit or landed close to the comedy bulls-eye. That is exactly why so many powerful people in Washington are still so upset.

Bravo Michele! You made us comedians and comedy writers proud. 

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Billy Graham Was Often Wrong

Like most preachers, Billy Graham was frequently incorrect. 

Evangelist Billy Graham has died. He was widely loved and respected, but wrong about many things:

"You're born. You suffer. You die. Fortunately, there's a loophole."  

There is no loophole – unless God exists and He’s an accountant. And even if God exists, theologians are in widespread agreement that the odds of Him being an accountant are exceptionally slim.

“A real Christian is the one who can give his pet parrot to the town gossip.”

The Bible mentions antelopes, geckos, maggots, mole rats, serpents, turtle doves and vipers. Sorry, no parrots.

“I think Pat Roberston is a terrific fellow.”  

Pat Roberston proclaimed that feminism encourages women “to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians." A “terrific person” wouldn’t say that – at least in public.

"Communism is a religion that is inspired, directed and motivated by the Devil himself who has declared war against Almighty God."

Communism is not a religion and the devil is not a communist: he's a libertarian. 

"Only the supernatural love of God through changed lives can solve problems that we face in the world."

Nope. In 2015, Stephen Hawking famously published a solution to “black hole information paradox.” He’s an avowed atheist.

Only those who want everything done for them are bored.”

Obviously, Reverend Graham never sat through Superman v Batman: Dawn of Justice.

“Our society strives to avoid any possibility of offending anyone – except God.”

It is a well-known fact that nothing offends God more than a preacher who claims to know what offends God.

“Without the resurrection, the cross is meaningless.”

That is not only untrue, but breathtakingly shallow. A cross is an archetypal symbol of deep significance. Nailing someone to it turns it into a crucifix, which for many is a major turn-off. 

“Everybody has a little Watergate in him."

These days everyone has a little Deflate-gate in them.

“Knowing we will be with Christ forever far outweighs our burdens today! Keep your eyes on eternity!”

That’s terrible advice! Keep your eyes directly on the path in front of you and watch out for precipitous dips. Eternity, whatever that is, will take care of itself without you having to manage it. Who has time for that anyway?  

In The Aftermath of Another School Shooting, Teenagers Are The Moral Voice of America

Emma Gonzalez and David Hogg, survivors of the shooting at Marjory Stonemason Douglas High School, 

So, maybe it will come down to the teenagers. Perhaps they are the only ones who have a fighting chance to break the NRA’s stranglehold on our society, just as it was only the teenagers of my generation who had a fighting chance to bring the Vietnam War to an end.

“War is not healthy for children and other living things,” went one of the popular slogans of my youth. My hippie friends may have been naïve, unemployed, and in desperate need of a shower, but they were not wrong about that, just as today’s teenagers are not wrong about the sickness at the core of America, our rampant gun culture enabled by one of the worst Supreme Court decisions in history.  

The Vietnam War was ugly beyond our imagination to conceive, immoral at its core, and utterly senseless. It was also something that adults didn’t care enough about to try to stop. It was up to us.

By the way, I use the word “us” loosely. I was seven when JFK was assassinated, nine when President Johnson received nearly unanimous consent from Congress to escalate the war, and 13 when Woodstock took place. But I was old enough to be aware of the looming threat that my government posed to my life.

I was in the final year (1972) of the draft lottery. By then, thanks to the anti-war movement, fewer of us were being ordered to serve. Still, I received a draft card, a symbol that my government might try to compel me to fly to Southeast Asia and risk my life for nothing.

Now, after yet another gruesome school shooting, we are finally hearing from the friends of the victims, the teenagers whose lives are at risk on the way to math class. Adults have failed at protecting them, so they are taking matters into their own hands.

The unspeakable grief of the survivors has turned to outrage and they are placing the blame exactly where it belongs, on the politicians who are owned by the NRA and speak sanctimoniously about our God-given right to own AR-15s.

Trump, a man with no moral core and incapable of empathy, is unelectable without the support of gun fetishists. When accepting the endorsement of the NRA, he called it “a fantastic honor,” before promising his adoring crowd, “We’re getting rid of gun free zones.” The president who proclaimed that he would put an end to “American carnage” has, in fact, enabled it. And he is hardly the only one.

Marco Rubio has received over three million dollars in payoffs from the NRA, but not to worry, he is “praying for all the victims.”  Is it too much to say that there is blood on his hands? I don’t think so. Rubio was a midwife of our sick gun culture, as was John McCain and Joni Ernst and Ted Cruz, and the list goes on and on. Yes, there is blood on their hands, just as there is blood on the hands of Supreme Court Justices Scalia, Roberts, Kennedy, Thomas and Alito, who decided that the Second Amendment, which is as arcane as the Third Amendment, guarantees the individual right of gun ownership. Their reckless judicial activism has led us to where we are now. And where is that exactly?

A candidate for congress in Kansas is giving away an AR-15 as a campaign stunt. Third-graders in Missouri are selling raffle tickets for an AR-15 as a fundraiser for their baseball team, and their coach thinks the surrounding controversy “has been blown out of proportion.”

The sobering truth that some liberals fail to recognize is that there is no magic bullet (no pun intended) solution to this problem. Even if sensible gun control legislation were enacted today, over five million Americans already own an AR-15.

So, in the face of these long odds, steps forward Emma Gonzalez, a senior and survivor of the atrocity at Marjory Stoneman High School. Recently, while addressing a gun control rally in Fort Lauderdale, she said, “We certainty do not understand why it should be harder to make plans with friends on weekends than to buy an automatic or semi-automatic weapon.”

A few days later, when asked by Carol Costello on CNN, “So, what do you say to the NRA?” she replied, “Disband. Dismantle. And don’t make an organization under a different name. And don’t you dare come back here.” She was wearing a t-shirt that said, “The Beatles” and I could not help but think that something of the best of what my generation stood for lives vibrantly in her. 

AR-15s are not healthy for children and other living things. 

Bill Maher And Sarah Silverman Avoid Talking About Louis C.K.

The two comics are known for their outspoken commentary, which made their decision to spare Louis C.K. all the more disappointing. 

As a comedian and comedy writer, I have long had a policy of not publicly criticizing other comedians and comedy writers, especially those who are far more successful than me. That said, the time has come for me to make an exception.

On last night’s airing of HBO’s Real Time, Bill Maher and Sarah Silverman, two revered comedy mavericks whose work I have long admired, had nothing to say about Louis C.K.

It is important to note that Maher and Silverman are not set-up or punchline comics. They are political satirists, widely revered for their uncensored outspokenness on important social issues. This makes their silence all the more disturbing and indefensible.

At the top of the show, Maher said, “Welcome to another edition of ‘Who Pulled Out Their Dick This Week,’” a promising start. But then he focused his satiric wit solely on Judge Roy Moore and his despicable Republican defenders. Fair game, for sure.

However, the question must be asked: Where were Maher’s cutting remarks about C.K.? Answer: There weren’t any. Instead, he felt compelled to proclaim the moral superiority of liberals over conservatives: “We arrest our alleged rapists; they elect them.” The audience applauded. Perhaps, I missed the news of Harvey Weinstein’s or Kevin Spacey’s arrest.

Look, I’m a liberal and I’m a comedian. I’m on Bill’s side. But he blew it. At the risk of blowing my own horn, I will point out that MAD Magazine, where I have been an editor for many years, did not shy away from the issue.

After Bill’s opening monologue, Sarah Silverman came out and made a bad situation worse. She spoke at length about her new Hulu show. She talked about how Trump has tapped into our fears and “is in bed with the oligarchs.” But apparently, she had no thoughts about powerful comedians abusing women for their sexual gratification in her industry.

What is going on here? If the accused comedian was Dennis Miller, it is difficult to believe that Maher and Silverman would have totally avoided the story.

When speaking with former Democratic Party Chairperson, Donna Brazille, Maher said, “I have so much in common with you. We want our side to win, so we criticize it when necessary.”

Unfortunately, not this time.

Now Is Not the Time to Talk About What We Are Not Talking About

Despite scenes like this, now is not the time to talk about gun control. Thank you for your cooperation.

In the aftermath of another horrific mass shooting, I have finally been convinced: Now is not the time to talk about gun control.

Likewise, now is not the time to talk about terrorism in New York, arrests in Saudi Arabia, Larry David’s holocaust joke, or yesterday’s NFL’s upsets. Just as many Democrats favor a three-day waiting period to purchase a gun, I favor a three-day waiting period to talk about anything in the news. Since there are mass shootings every day, this has many benefits. For example, not only do we never have to talk about gun control, we never have to talk about not talking about gun control. What a relief! (I hate that conversation.)

The problem with talking about something after it just happened is that in our eagerness to talk about the just-happened-thing, we discuss it. If there’s one thing that we can all agree on, it’s that we don’t need any more discussion, especially in the aftermath of something that has happened.

Do you discuss a meal after you’ve eaten it? Of course not. You give yourself time to thoroughly digest and eliminate it. And even then, you wait for the stench of defecation to clear before starting a possibly contentious debate about your subpar avocado toast appetizer. It is like that with mass shootings and gun control, except that the stench never clears. Consequently, we adapt to the toxically foul odor so effectively, we become completely unaware of it until our next bout of collective diarrhea. And even then, who wants to talk about or hear about diarrhea? I don’t know about you, but when a diarrhea commercial comes on, I immediately turn it off and don’t talk about it.

My point is that we can’t allow ourselves to go off half-cocked talking about things that just happened, not without politicizing them and thereby making things worse than if we hadn’t talked about them. Honestly, I fear that I am making things worse, much worse, by talking about not talking about them. So, in the interests of fostering a meaningful national dialogue, I would like to shift the conversation to not talking about not talking about not talking about things. You’re welcome.

Experts agree, the main issue is mental health. If only we were mentally healthy, that would make a world of difference, believe me. I would say more about this, but sorry, now is not the time to talk about mental health.

The question we must ask ourselves is: What is this the time to talk about? To properly answer this pressing question, I would have to check the news from three days ago in order to identify the stories reported that are not relevant today. Those irrelevant stories are without question ripe for exhaustive analysis and spirited debate. But sadly, in our rush to judgment, we prefer to focus on relevant things that just happened.

In closing, I would like to say nothing at all.

After The Las Vegas Shooting, America Remains Addicted To Triggers And In Denial

DAVID BECKER VIA GETTY IMAGES 

According to MassShootingTracker.com — and that a website with that name actually exists says everything about America’s sickening gun culture — there have been 337 mass shootings in our country this year before today’s headline grabbing massacre of at least 50 dead with over 100 injured in Las Vegas.

Oh, if only there weren’t more good people with guns in attendance who could have shot back at the madman firing from the 32nd floor. Surely, the only conceivable way to stop something like this from ever happening again is to make sure that everyone is armed.

What, too soon?

Forgive me, I know, I shouldn’t be talking about gun control now. It is disrespectful to the victims and their families. I should remain silent as the usual news cycle plays out, or at least wait until we know more about what happened. But actually what we don’t know yet tells us a lot.

Since the incident has not been labeled “terrorism,” which is exactly what it is, we know there is no evidence as yet that the perpetrator is Muslim. Since race has not been mentioned, we know that the perpetrator is white. Since so many people were shot, we know the perpetrator had an arsenal at his disposal and that it would surprise no one if all of his weapons were legal.

The thing with mass shootings this year is that they have not been especially newsworthy. Just not enough people killed. Admittedly, the year got off to a promising start with four murdered in South Carolina on New Year’s Day, followed by five more in Oregon and five more in Florida over the next week. But with many mass shootings, the victims merely suffer traumatic injures rather than death, and that is so much less sensational. So what if 10 were injured by gunshots, including eight teenagers, in Tennessee? They lived, so what’s news about that?

In June, six were murdered by a former co-worker in Orlando, and while that got some media attention (work place shooting always make for compelling stories and possibly mini-series), with the dead still in the single digits, we couldn’t realistically expect more than 48-hours of coverage.

The Congressional baseball shooting in June was big news because of who was targeted, but again, with so many survivors and the feel-good story of Steve Scalise’s recovery, it now barely qualifies as horrible.

But now we finally have our first horrifically massive shooting of the year, one with sufficient shock value to demand our attention. It is already being called “the deadliest mass shooting in modern U.S. history,” so we are going to be hearing about this one for at least 72 hours before it disappears from the news. At least we can count on the president to respond with great empathy and sensitivity — no, wait.

Here’s the thing: I would like to turn away from this story this morning. Everything about it disturbs and repulses me. But I am sitting here at my desk reflecting on it because it is the only way I know how to express my sorrow for those whose lives were senselessly destroyed for the crime of attending a country music festival. It is also the only way I know how to grieve for my country, a country that has long lost its way as far as the sensible regulation of firearms. Our culture is sick with violence and our gun problem is more symptom than cause, though in reality it is both.

We are addicted to triggers and refuse treatment. And we all know what happens when an addict refuses treatment.

For our culture to get well, we need to enroll in a national 12-step program for guns. We must become deeply aware and take responsibility for the ongoing violence that our culture tacitly permits. Of course, that by itself is not the answer, because there is no singular answer. But until we admit that our guns laws, or rather lack thereof, are a key part of the problem, then we are enablers of the violence we claim to abhor.